Invading your LJ to tell you how much I enjoyed your story.
Just one thing: in the beginning, when you write He didn't look much like Jien, or Gojyo's mother for that matter, but there was definitely some sort of resemblance around the eyes and brow. , it was a bit difficult to get what you were talking about. It would be better if you somehow managed to combine it with this paragraph:
The kappa was the spitting image of Gojyo, except for the coloring. His hair was a dark, murky brown – kind of like the color of silt on a river bottom, Gojyo supposed – and his eyes an equally muddy green. But other than that? Okay, he was probably a little shorter than Gojyo, though it was hard to tell because of all the bobbing up and down.
no subject
Just one thing: in the beginning, when you write He didn't look much like Jien, or Gojyo's mother for that matter, but there was definitely some sort of resemblance around the eyes and brow. , it was a bit difficult to get what you were talking about. It would be better if you somehow managed to combine it with this paragraph:
The kappa was the spitting image of Gojyo, except for the coloring. His hair was a dark, murky brown – kind of like the color of silt on a river bottom, Gojyo supposed – and his eyes an equally muddy green. But other than that? Okay, he was probably a little shorter than Gojyo, though it was hard to tell because of all the bobbing up and down.