*sheepish* I've never been thanked for flailing before. Yay?
...well, actually, I'm sorry to say, that my constructive comments aren't much more coherent than the ones I've left here anyway. Gah. But - okay. Going to give it a shot before my brain melts down again.
I thought your characterization of Ryo was really well done. As a protagonist and the sort of main POV, he did his job well by drawing the reader (ME) into his thoughts and feelings and the plot in a way that not only made me feel invested in the story, but also as if I was experiencing the story through his eyes. Of course, I also enjoyed just laughing at him. :) I also thought the way you wrote Junno was brilliant, but it may be my own bias talking; he was adorable and intelligent and sexy and almost irritatingly cheerful all at once in that kind of unfathomable way that Junno is. It's one of the most believable characterizations of Junno I've ever seen in fic based on his TV personality.
Overall, I think the plot and the development of Ryo's feelings towards Junno was very well paced and I loved the world that you built for them, and how very believable it is, not to mention how you cast the familiar JE boys into roles that at first seem very "what? really?" and make it surprisingly realistic and understandable (because, of course Nakamaru would be doing that, and I love him ♥) and also, I would just like to say, I laughed a lot whenever you brought up the evil gnome thing.
Lol, evil gnome. I just like saying the word gnome.
asjdflkj sorry, my brain degenerated fairly quickly. Also, I can't say how accurate this "constructive comment" is, because I finally decided I just shouldn't read it before attempting one. ._.
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Date: 2009-06-02 02:14 am (UTC)...well, actually, I'm sorry to say, that my constructive comments aren't much more coherent than the ones I've left here anyway. Gah. But - okay. Going to give it a shot before my brain melts down again.
I thought your characterization of Ryo was really well done. As a protagonist and the sort of main POV, he did his job well by drawing the reader (ME) into his thoughts and feelings and the plot in a way that not only made me feel invested in the story, but also as if I was experiencing the story through his eyes. Of course, I also enjoyed just laughing at him. :) I also thought the way you wrote Junno was brilliant, but it may be my own bias talking; he was adorable and intelligent and sexy and almost irritatingly cheerful all at once in that kind of unfathomable way that Junno is. It's one of the most believable characterizations of Junno I've ever seen in fic based on his TV personality.
Overall, I think the plot and the development of Ryo's feelings towards Junno was very well paced and I loved the world that you built for them, and how very believable it is, not to mention how you cast the familiar JE boys into roles that at first seem very "what? really?" and make it surprisingly realistic and understandable (because, of course Nakamaru would be doing that, and I love him ♥) and also, I would just like to say, I laughed a lot whenever you brought up the evil gnome thing.
Lol, evil gnome. I just like saying the word gnome.
asjdflkj sorry, my brain degenerated fairly quickly. Also, I can't say how accurate this "constructive comment" is, because I finally decided I just shouldn't read it before attempting one. ._.